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Doesn't know anymore

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 7, 2009, 5:19 PM
  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: ppl typing
  • Reading: mageborn traitor
  • Watching: the nothingness slip through my fingers
  • Playing: life apparently
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: nothing
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Surely being happy in any regard isn't too much to ask??

Apparently my boyfriend loves me but doesn't like the things that make me me.

So where does that leave me?

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Shell stocks by ~huomennastock, =chop-stock and ~hatestock
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I Want To

Journal Entry: Wed Jun 3, 2009, 8:01 AM
  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: the silence of the house
  • Reading: mageborn traitor, city of bones
  • Watching: how things unfold
  • Playing: Haf life 2 epidsode 2
  • Eating: nothing
  • Drinking: water
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When i become so unhappy
And why my brain doesn't understand that if i get something back from the time or a time i was happy that it isn't going to make everything magically better.

Why do i hate my job?
Why do i hate that my boyfriend grumbles about staying up late and never wants to go out but is only 22?
Why did my best friend do that stupid thing I've done stupid things and he's supported me why can't you accept it? I need you to accept i still want to be his friend!

Why do i feel like I'm having a mid life crisis?

And how come i feel so alone in the world is it because i can't relate to anyone?

And the person i feel brings out the best in me i dunno wat if they don't and it's all in my head??

I want to feel less lost and more sure of myself i want more space and less crap.

I want to remember what it's like to be happy again instead of always telling my brain to shut up because i don't want to know what i'm thinking.

I want to be me i want to remember who i am.

I'm soo lost and confused and it hurts alot

Journal Skin by =Thewinator
Shell stocks by ~huomennastock, =chop-stock and ~hatestock
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Lost and Upset

Journal Entry: Thu May 28, 2009, 5:45 PM
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I lost my best friend and worse through his actions.

Do you have a friend that understands you better than everyone else?? **** was that person for me and I feel lost.

**** didn’t care if I had a giggling fit for 10min whereas everyone else looks at me like I should grow up!!

I feel like i have no one I can say whatever is on my mind to because they will take it the wrong way.

I decided that I’ll support him through this but after it is all done with I can't be friends with him.
I can’t imagine going to the beach with him or the movies or even having a conversation it wud always be there in my mind wat he did.
I don’t think I cud handle it. But I will be honest and tell him our friendship deserves that much.
I just I feel like **** let me be me instead of making me fit in.

I have no one to tell my deepest darkest secrets to anymore.

If i want to do something implusive and crazy who do i have that will agree?

i feel alone in this massive sea of people.

Journal Skin by =Thewinator
Shell stocks by ~huomennastock, =chop-stock and ~hatestock
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  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: radio and the buzz of the office
  • Reading: mageborn traitor
  • Watching: wat i say
  • Playing: Haf life 2 epidsode 2
  • Eating: manderin
  • Drinking: water
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blah

Journal Entry: Sun May 24, 2009, 6:31 AM
Things things are too hard

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  • Mood: Emotional
  • Listening to: my head
  • Reading: mageborn traitor
  • Watching: tv
  • Eating: meh
  • Drinking: water
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People Suck

Wed May 6, 2009, 5:03 PM
  • Mood: Pissed Off
  • Listening to: the rage in my head through an eerie calm
  • Reading: The ruins of Ambrai almost finished
  • Watching: scenes play back and forth
  • Playing: Halo 3! Half life 2
  • Eating: meh
  • Drinking: water
*apologies for anyone i may have offended*

BUT what the fuck is wrong with people honestly what the hell is going on? Has everyone just suddenly decided not to give a shit about anyone else and not told me cos from where I'm standing *sorry stretching up on my tiptoes whilst i pull the knife out my best friends back* It looks like noone even considers anyone elses feeling!

I can't go into detail ppl will read it but i basically got asked to lie to my best friend or to neglect to tell him something.

I ask you a question if you knew two ppl were best friends asking one of them to neglect to mention something to the other something that your pretty damm sure wud hurt them wud you? NO because it fuken rude!

Whats even worse in my eyes *again apologies is i offend* is that the people behind this are christian and go to church every week!

I believe in god i believe in doing the right thing by ppl it took me along time to see what the right thing is but i can guarantee that honesty and forgiveness are part of it.

I'm soo upset i don't know what to do or say. And my boyfriend has decided that instead of being there for me and trying to calm me down or aleast help me feel a little less upset he doesn't want to talk about. I didn't ask for him to agree with me just help.

What is the point in evening having ppl in your life so far as i can see they just hurt use and abuse you.

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